The Little Mer-Ogre Part 13 - In Shrek's Kingdom
(Fade to the beach. Shrek and Dante are walking near the Dock of Far far away. Shrek is playing his flute.) *Shrek: (stops playing) That voice. I can't get it out of my head. I've looked everywhere, Dante? Where could she be? (On the other side of rocks Fiona is washed up. Only her shell bra remains on her. Nemo Squirt and Kermit are exausted. Fiona lifts her right leg, sees her foot, moves her toes, and is amazed. Dave flies over to Fiona and lands on her leg.) *Dave: Well, look at what the catfish dragged in! Look at ya! Look at ya! There's something different. Don't tell me, I got it. It's your hair-do, right? You've been using the dinglehopper, right? (Fiona shakes her head) No? No huh, well let me see. (looks at one of her small feet) New seashells? (Fiona thinks for a minutes and then shakes her head again.) No new seashells. (Fiona bounces her leg, making him jiggle up and down, which is annoying Kermit.) I gotta admit I can't put my foot on it right now, but if I just stand here long enough, I know that I'll... *Kermit: SHE'S GOT LEGS, YOU IDIOT! (Dave flies off and lands on a flat rock) She traded her voice to the old lady and got legs! *Dave: I knew that. (Fiona attempts to get up, but her legs wobble, and she loses her balance.) *Nemo: Fiona's been turned into a human. She's gotta make the ogre fall in love with her, and he's gonna... *Squirt: he's gonna kiss her. *Kermit: And she's only got three days. (Fiona falls back into the water, splashing Nemo, Squirt, Kermit, and Dave with water and seaweed. Astrid finally stands up and gets the seaweed off of herself.) Just look at her. On legs. On human legs! (gasps) My nerves are shot. This is a catastrophe! What would her father say? I'll tell you what her father'd say, he'd say he's gonna kill himself a frog, that's what her father'd say! (He marches into the water, but Fiona scoops him up and shakes her head at him.) I'm gonna march myself straight home right now and tell him just like I shoulda done the minute, and don't you shake your head at me, young lady. Maybe there's still time. If we could get that witch to give you back your voice, you could go home with all the normal fish, and just be... (Fiona looks at him with a sad face.) just be... just be miserable for the rest of your life. All right, all right. I'll try to help you find that ogre. (Fiona becomes happy and kisses him. Then she sets him back on the rock.) Boy. What a softie I'm turning out to be. (Dave flies over to a dry rock and grabs a white sail and a sienna rope.) *Dave: Now, Fiona, I'm tellin' ya, if you wanna be a human ogre, the first thing you gotta do is dress like one. Now lemme see. (Cut to Shrek and Dante. Dante sniffs at Fiona and gets excited.) *Shrek: Dante? Huh? What? Dante! (At last, Fiona is wearing the white sail and sienna rope as a dress over her shell bra.) *Dave: (wolf whistles) You look great, kid. You look sensational! (They hear Dante. He arrives and chases Fiona up on a rock.) *Fiona: Dante! Dante! Quiet, Dante! What's gotten into you fella? (he sees Fiona) Oh. Oh, I see. Are you O.K., miss? I'm sorry if this knucklehead scared you. He's harmless, really. You seem very familiar to me. Have we met? We have met! I knew it! You're the one...the one I've been looking for! What's your name? (Fiona moths, "Fiona," but no words come out. She places her hand on her neck and cringes in anxiety.) What's wrong? What is it? You can't speak? (Fiona shakes her head.) Oh. Then you couldn't be who I thought. (Dante and Fiona both look frustrated. Then she starts to pantomime.) What is it? You're hurt? No? No. You need help? (She collapses into his arms.) *Shrek: Whoa, whoa, careful, careful, easy. Gee, you must have really been through something. Don't worry, I'll help you. Come on. Come on, you'll be okay. (He takes Fiona to the castle while she is still limping.) (Fade to Fiona playing in a bubble mud bath in a tub. She tries to catch a bubble, but it pops just before her eyes.) (Pouring a jug of water over her head is a Yeti named Meechee.) *Meechee: Washed up from a shipwreck? Oh, the poor thing. We'll have you feeling better in no time. (She picks up Fiona's "dress" where Kermit is hiding in the pocket) I'll just...I'll just get this washed for you. (Kermit is getting dunked in a mammoth bucket of soapy water. He resurfaces and spits out the water.) *Applejack: Well, you must have at least heard about this, girls. *Rainbow dash: No! Applejack says... (Kermit is being washed) ...since when has Applejack gotten anything right? (He burps up soap bubbles before Rainbow dash hangs him and the "dress" on the line.) I mean really, this girl shows up in rags and doesn't speak... *Kermit: Madame, please *Fluttershy: ...Not my idea of a princess. If Shrek's looking for a girl, I know a couple of highly available ones right here. (Kermit is thrown into the kitchen and sees fish, squid, and octopus cooking. To his surprise, he sees three dead frogs stuffed with bread crumbs. He faints.) Category:The Little Mermaid Parts